This series, hell this book, made me realize how scared I was. Scared for the next year, scared for the future, just scared in general. Because I was already considered "grown up" taking care of my si...
ster, going to college and high school at the same time, etc. I didn't have an easy childhood, and I don't have an easy life now. It's what I was used to, so I didn't think much of it. But the decisions Lara Jean made and will have to make in her future makes me realize that I was always scared. Because next year I'm gonna be Lara Jean, worrying about my own little siblings, knowing that if I even do get into my top college (another thing I'm scared about) I'll have to leave them behind not being able to watch them grow up. And then there's the other people I'll have to leave behind, and scared if I'm willing to do that again, even after doing it 4 years ago.
So I'll admit it here. Where people I know in real life won't read it, or even if they do I doubt they'll care to read my reviews:
I'm fucking terrified.
And now I can let the fear go, like cupping leaves in my hands and opening them when a breeze passes by, taking the leaves with them. Because this is me we are talking about. If I can go 17 years living in fear of different things, family members, disease, heartache, friends, then what's the big deal about adding the future to the list?
I'll make it. If there's one thing I'm for sure about myself it's that I'm a survivor. I've pushed through the hard times, and I've darted past the good. How can the future be any different than those two?
So I'll leave my fear here, with the two people who read my reviews. And the fear will stay here in words, and the fear will stay there in my mind in essence. But never spoken aloud.