Dog Training the American Male
“For several minutes he listened to John Lennon sing Mind Games on his 8-track cassette deck before speed dialing his brother’s cell number on his iPhone. “Vin, it’s me.”
“Where are you?”
“I’m in my van, sitting in front of Walgreens. Nancy practically threw me out of the house to get her tampons and Advil. Vin, I need your advice.”
“Get the extra-strength.”
“I’m serious. Things have changed between us. When we first moved in together, everything was great. And now my life has changed in oh so many ways . . .”
“Douche bag, it’s called the end of the honeymoon phase. You think you were just going to get endless schtuppie without the emotional baggage?”
“I just want her to stop yelling at me. Do this, do that. Why can’t she put the toilet seat down?”
“You want my advice? Apologize.”
“You misunderstood. She’s the one yelling at me. Why would I apologize?”
“You’re apologizing because God gave you a penis. In the bible it’s referred to as original sin.
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